Fun

     Our iv was great. I drank and slept, then again woke up and drank till i slept. Things went on like that. This might lead me to the rehab or to a medic but you need to learn to live life on the edge or else you are taking too much of space. This way of life gave me an awsome feeling, drugged like hell. We did visit some beautiful places during the course of the trip but dont remember any of them. We took a week long leave before attending college again. This was the time i got introduced to a gal named radhika through net. Here we go again, i know what you people would be thinking. Yes, you are right! Its not my fault that i fell for her, she tripped me. I saw her pic and the first thing my heart said 'enough of the mourning, lets get back to business'.
    I was a regular guy in orkut, it was the only means by which i used to keep in touch with my friends back home. One day i saw a friends request from this gal called radhika. I went through her profile details and it suggest that she hails from my home town and she is a an year younger to me. I was sure that i did nt know her. But still i accepted her request as she was good looking. Its not everyday that a guy like me gets an invitation from a gal like her. She might have go the wrong guy. Anyways good for me. I accepted the request and went on with my work hoping that i would get her online some day. I wanted to polish my art of flirtation. It is the art of keeping intimacy at a safe distance. Its the art of giing attention without intention. As far as i know all women love flirts, but some are restrained by shyness and some by senses. The next day i went online every one hour as to make sure that i dont miss her. I did nt know her timings. It was around four in the evening that i got it right. She was online. It excited me!
Hai!! I said
I waited for her reply. She send a 'HELLO' with a smiley!
She just reminds me of my next girlfriend. What should i call this, its not even love at first sight. I have nt even seen her. Its just infatuation as alway. We chatted for long, mostly intoduction. She was looking for some friend of hers but ended up sending request to me.
'Call 911' !! I said
She in a tensed manner asked ' What, Why???'
I told I wanted to report that I have just been hit by your love.
She laughed out loud. 'Are you flirting with me' she asked
'Yes, if its working' I told
' I dont think so ' she replied.
I changed gears, told her it was just a joke. Earlier i mentioned about the two catogeries of women. She comes in the sensible one. In the days to come we exchanged cell numbers and had plans to meet each other the next time I go home. That would be the semester leaves.

Addiction

Exam went quite well. Compared to the previous ones this one was great.This time back home i had my thinking cap on, shreya with another guy and neha still stuck with the same guy. I needed to move on. I needed to start the hunt again. In the past few weeks I learned new habits. My liking towards alcohol has increased to a new level. I liked the druged semi concious effect. I was doing all the possible things which I should not be doing and there is no one to stop me. I started smoking, have nt quite got hold of it but still manage it ok. It was nt that I was in a bad company, no one forced me to do anything. All this is my own wish. The feeling of loosing everything was filling my heart and making me realize that I am a looser. Now a days I even fight with Anjana. All our conversations ended up in a fight. We would fight and I would bast her with all the pathetic words and she keeps listening. Hats off to her. She never took our fights seriously but she never forget it either. She brings the topic back at the right time. I even formed distance with Adi. I used to tell him everything and get suggestion from him but now i feel that i even cheated him. So thought of keeping distance from him. I had gone silent and away from the group. We talked less. Everything was coming down right in front of me and no one to blame other than me. I was screwing myself up.

In the midst of all this our industrial visit was announced. It was a trip to kodaikanal and pondichery. Majority of the class was there. First I said no but later agreed as my room mates forced. Even i thought it would be a good change and a refreshment from my devdas behaviour. On the other hand I thought I was going to pondichery were I would get my hand on the alcohols at a cheaper rate. Whatever it may be , I was going.

From now onwards you would see the new chapter in my life!!!!

My Dark life

My life turned dull in the absence of shreya. I used to be on phone the whole night but now I dont have any use of phone. This was the time when I learned the importance of friends. They stood by me even though they knew that I was wrong. During these days, they were of great help to me. That is why its said ' A faithful friend is the medicine for life'. My college life had turned boring, had nothing else to do other than spend time in the class and pray that I dont come across shreya. It was the time when i turned my concentration back on studies. Had a lot to cover up as I had flunked in almost all the subjects that I wrote. That was because I was too much involved in shreya and everything around her. Its her absence that made me realize her importance. Love is a temporary madness. It errupts like a volcano and then subsides. Its when it subsides that you have to make the decision. I can say thats when i made my decision or can say the blunder that I made.

Have you ever thought why people close their eyes when they kiss. Even i did so, but never thought the reason behind it till today. It might be because some of the greater things in life are unseen. That is why we close our eyes when we kiss, cry or dream. All that had happened in the last few months were like a roller coaster ride. Just as what socrates said 'Hottest love has the coldest end'. I self destructed my love to get hurt in the long run.

The hardest thing is to see your love, love someone else. That is what I had to see. Shreya with someone else. In one way it was good as she got some support in those difficult times. Finally the guilt in me of leaving shreya alone was susiding. I had done nothing for that, It was the new support she got in life and a good one. He is a good guy as far as I know.

This last one year of my college life began with a smile. grew with a kiss and ended with a tear drop...................

Betrayal

Its been a month since I am home for vacations. The flash news for you guys is that I have nt yet called shreya or picked her call. She has been calling me all day long but i have been keeping the phone ringing. Dont ask me why but i want to get out of this relationship. Was it a one night stand for me? Was I using her? By the look of things that have passed. It sure looks that way. All these questions ran through my mind the whole day. What the hell would she think about me? I was using her fo that one night. Am I that kind of a person Or is it NEHA? Is she still tormenting my mind? I should have given a fucking thought about it before I made out with shreya. Right now I am trying to escape and giving stupid justification which is even hard for me to believe, then how the hell can i expect shreya to fall for it.

Should I talk to her again or Is it too late for that? Till now she might have got a clear picture about me. If u ask her to explain about me in a word then "SCOUNDREL" would be the least she would use. I send her a message the next day. Dont wana disclose what I send but that was the last I had heard from her. Shreya's chapter closed. Easy said and done or Is it???

With all those questions in mind, I returned to college for my next semester. She was not the only one who had some asking to do. Two of my closest friends knew about this relationship. One wa Aditya my room mate and the other was Anjana, my best friend. Have nt yet told you people about her. She is the one with whom I share all the happenings in my college and home. She is all in one, my friend , my P.A and everything. Dont have words to explain about her. Can say she knows more about me and my family than I know. Shocking??? Even I was!!! She along with Aditya had an important role to play in my relationship with shreya. She was the mediator for me. So obviously she had loads of questions to ask and I did owe her an explanation. I did talk to her about it but it wa least satisfactory. I expected that! But there was nothing she could do to change my mind, she knew that so she never tried. Even Aditya was pized with my attitude. They came to a conclusion that I dont value relationship and love. Some where in the back of mind I knew that i was gona pay for what i did. Somewhere in this four years I did. Anjana always called me a KID. I just proved her right with my kiddish attitude.

In the times to come, the most difficult part for me in college was to come face to face with shreya. It was so very difficult for me to look in to her face. It just made me pathetic. She would boldly look in to my face which would make me realize that I was a big time looser. By the time it was a talking point in college that I broke up with shreya. These people need something to talk over an evening coffee.What better to talk about than there friends break up. They would make up there own stories as to what would be the reason behind it. Can say yet another chapter in my o called fucked up life.........

A Taste of Intimacy

Exams over. It was time to go home and guess what i was nt alone this time. Shreya was coming with me. We both happen to be from the same place. We thought of going by the train at night. Both of us reached seperately and met at the station. We reached few hours early as our train was at night. Both of us entered the station and wandered here and there, until we found a place to sit alone. Its dificult to find such a place in the railway station. We sat there hand in hand and talked for a while. Then we thought of going some place else. We kept our luggage in the cloak room and left. We found a good place nearby. It was a garden, other than the old ladies coming for there evening walk, there were few couples present. The weather had taken a swift turn and was setting the mood of intimacy.

We walked through the fragnant muddy tracks crossing the gardens to the woods. We walked through the woods , talking about what that i also dont remember. We were trying to find a perfect place to sit. Finally we found a small hillock nearby. There were trees all around so we were virtually invisible from the outside world. The aroma of the surroundings seduced my heart and the sudden advent of clouds in the sky added colour to my emotions. Besides all that it was shreyas eyes that were drawing me towards her. Both of us climbed the hillock and sat there. I could feel it was the moment, the first moment of intimacy, might be the moment of my first kiss, it all depends on how shreya responded. Did nt want to hurry as that first kiss can turn in to my first slap. I was a bit sweaty and the situation was making it worse. I wanted to use my deo but it was in my bag and a mint would have been good as i was very much positive about a kiss. Hoping the fragnance of the surrounding will dissolve my body odour away, i was preparing myself for what was going to happen. Exited, nervous and little cautious, i tried to be as gentle as possible. I closed the gap between us and put my arms around her. She was behaving very shyly, he personality had changed suddenly. She transformed in to a shy young girl. She showed no resistance at all, she was ready for whatever i did. As if there was no one else on this planet other than two of us. I approached her and she closed her eyes. I held her palms and pulled her towards me.........................

With Friends

Exams started. The chilling climate at this time hardened our asses and made it difficult for us to sit and study. As usual we all were up to the last day study and there was hell lot to study. I started studying energetically but later drowsiness took charge of my body and eyes automatically got shut down. I had a very good nap and i woke up around twelve at nite. I was very much freeked out. There was very less time and so much to study. I spent most of the time this semester talking to shreya on phone till midnight and chatting with friends. I had no other option other than going for Plan B. Stop this hard work and go for smart work. In other words "Bit". Nikhil was the best person to consult in this matter. I spent the whole night preparing bits.

Finally the day of exam arrivd, undoubtedly the most atrocious day in anybodys college life. It was a complete havoc in the room. Gaurav was shouting with tooth paste in his mouth. Even nikhil was shouting from outside the bathroom door. Aakash entered the bathroom with the text book an hour back. I knew very well that he wont come out until he is done with his revision. So it was best for me to skip the morning routine. I hope this sacrifice would show up in my exam results. The exams were ok, I applied all the risk taking actions and used up all the resources i had. Nikhil is very good in this. He knows very well to which question would come and which would not. We saw Aakash after the exam, his face was swollen as if bit by a honey bee. Thats when we came to know about his morning fiasco. He slept for almot an hour in the loo and the mosquitos ate up his face and butt. We laughed a lot on this. People around us thought we were laughing at them. So we turned silent and moved out before they turn our faces swollen. The exams went on one by one. None of them were great, courtesy to the late night phone calls and sleep attack during the morning. Aakash was given special attention when he was in loo.

The whole examination was like a roller coaster ride for us,providing bumps and jerks all through the way and finally in to the water. Thats when the marks are announced. But i do like this time of the year when we have exams. Thats the time we spend the maximum time with our friends. Examination hall is the place where you see the perfect unity. Passing of bits, showing answer sheets and what not. We try our maximum to get through the papers and we also make sure that the one sitting next to us also does the same. Thats one thing you would never see anywhere else.................

My first Date

I thought of meeting her after our first internal exams, I meant a date. Talking about dates, never before in my academic history had i performed so badly.I was very much confident of flunking in mathematics this year. E ven the profesor had the same confidence in me. It wa for the first time that both of us came to the same conclusion. But this wont stop me from meeting shreya this sunday if she agrees. I called her and asked her out for lunch. She thought for some time and said yes. Its a typical gal thing.They would be waiting for the guy to ask them out. But when we do so, they would show the reluctance and expect us to ask again and again, which we do.

It was not just a meet, it was an official date after we started seeing each other. I reached the restaurant well before time, i am very particular and cautious when it comes to these things. Its not that i have done this before. She finally arrived. I had asked her to wear her red dress. I really love her i it.She looks good in all the dresses but red is special for me.Thats the dress in which i saw her for the first time. We did share a hidden chemistry-hidden for both of us. I was about to take her to the restaurant when she asked weather we could go for a walk. I felt it to be a better idea to share my feelings with her. It would be a bit romantic. After an exhaustive walk we decided to sit at some place. So we thought of returning to the restaurant.We took a corner seat, she was sitting beside me. I was all smiles. We sat there and talked quite a lot.To be more specific she talked a lot and i was listening. All her friends complain that she does not talk much but i felt the opposite, she talks too much which i liked very much. I could sit there and listen to her all day. I cant keep my eyes open for an hour when the professors teach. But this is all together a different experience. Some where in between she would stop talking and wave her hand so as to check weather i am sleeping with my eyes open. Thats when i would realize that i have been staring at her for quite a long time. After having lunch we took off from the restaurant and started walking towards the streets. Thats when the unimaginable happened. She just held my hand while walking. WOW!!!!!!! That was one hell of a feeling. No words to express it. Totally speechless!!! From there we walked till my bike hand in hand. There were people staring at us but we were nt bothered. I hoped to drop her till the hostel but her friends were waiting for somewhere nearby. This wish of mine remained unfulfilled. Anyways i had a great time. One of the best in my life. Awsome!!!!

Going by my instinct!

A few days later, i told shreya about my feelings to her or i can say i was forced to say because of the circumstances created by my friends. No one forced me to but should have given one more thought. During the next few days we used to come early to college and traipsed the entire college campus. I told her about my past( but not about my feelings for neha) and she told me about her. One thing i noticed about her was that she talks a lot and i would just look at her eyes and listen to all that she would say. She is a determined gal, making a life in the world where the rules have been written by men and as far as i know they are fuck of a species.We used to talk in the college all day and even on phone after reaching back. She had so much to say that to with avid excitement that i thought that she was forced to supress her feelings till now and she is finally liberated. I was very open with her, i felt as if what ever i did or told in front of her did nt matter as she would never misunderstand me. God!! am i so lucky. It happens in an instant that one falls in love. This just woke up the philospher in me, Though life fucks everyone for sure but not in every hole!!!!!!!!!

I just closed my eyes and was thinking of the incidents of the past few weeks and suddenly a face came to my mind, it was Neha's!!!I was really sick and ired of myself. I was thinking about what will it take for me to forget her. Deep in my heart i was feeling like a cheat. What ever be the reason i wont be able to tell these things to shreya. It will surely hurt her and i was not willing to do that. What the hell is wrong with my character?? Few months back i was in love with Neha and now i claim to be in love with shreya. What is the gurantee that i wont fall for any third gal?? The way things are going for me, i cant even gurantee that. I have really fucked myself up. I think i was not ready for this relationship. But this is not the time to think of all this. Its too late, i should have thought of this earlier. Now i ant hurt her and i wont!!! I hope so...........

Love again or Is it....?????

Time has finally come for our juniors to arrive.We all stood at the pasage blocking there way. I just accompanied my friends, was nt much intrested in knowing any of them. I was more intrested in handing my assigments to any of the gals with a good hand writting. All gals do have a good hand writting. I selected a gal from the bunch, dressed in red. She looked good so i asumed that she mite even write good. I handed my assignment sheets and she took it with out any complaints. She completed everything by evening and returned the papers. I started liking this way of raging. For the first time in my college life i used to get my assignments completed on time. I did the same next day, gave all my pending assignments to the same gal. Een the day after. But today i saw tears in her eyes and when asked the reason, she cried and left with my book. Later i came to know that there are other senior who made her do the same work. She was overloaded with work. I did pity her.

The next day i met her alone, she completed my assignments as always. I helped her tackle the other guys who used to make her do there work. But still she was doing mine. I started seeing her on a regular basis. Sometimes just to chat, soon we became good friends.

Lying on my bed on the same day, I thought about thi new gal in my life. The asignment gal or better known as 'shreya'. I tried to distance myself from her but i ended up appreciating her appearence. Her artistic eyes, soft ears and slender neck. Oh God!! what the hell am i telling!!!

I just could not control myself from telling so. I did nt jerk off thinking about her. I had high respect for her.Just one question rang my head " can love happen morethan once??" If all planets were fit for living then earth would have lost its unique identity likewise if i fall in love with every other gal i meet then love would loose its meaning. It would e same as lust and greed. The question which haunts my mind is weather i deserve her. If yes then what about my love for Neha?? Was it true?? I still cant get her out of my mind then how could i even think of any other gal!!!

The other side

Two months of vacation passed quite fast. It wa a good respite from the academic stress that i faced. Our new semester started with a bang, our seniors have told that maths this year was is tough. On top of that our proffesor was of no good either. Those who go to college and never come out are called proffesssors. I was finally back in my room, all my room mates have already arrived. All had a good time chatting about our holidays and some about there girlfriends. I was so involved in my love fiasco last sem that i never introduced you to my friends.

Let me start with gaurav, In one word he is a psyco!! His problem is that he never listens and is excentri about sex. Fantasizing about sex is his moral obligation. He finds sex in the most emotional scenes of a movie. In my opinion he would have been a better sexologist than an engineer.

The next is Aakash, he is an emotional attyachar. He emotionally blackmails all of us. But he is good. He loves his mother a lot. That does nt means others dont!! But he is very closely attached to her.

The third in the list is Aditya. He is a replica of Harish Chandra or the rebirth to be more speciic. Even if the teacher allows us to cheat in the exams he wont do it. Can you believe that?? He has never heard of the saying- " Rules are meant to be broken"

Then comes the most intresting guy in the lot nikhil, h is a real Adonis, he has apersona which consumes anyone approaching him. He is good in studies, sports and famous among gals. He is what every guy in college want to be.

Last but not the least karthik. There is nt much i know about him but he alway has a mobile attached to his ear lobes. He walks with it, he sleeps with it and he even SHITS with it.

Days to come......

I lost track of days after that days incident. To be particular, i lost track of everything. Exams were approaching, i tried my best to concentrate and managed to pass in a few. The first year of college was over. Apart from the neha fiasco, rest of the year was good. Had some crazy time with friends. But her thoughts tormented me always. I was sick and tired of myself. I did nt know what it would take me to forget her. Everyone does nt get what they desire. But who decides all these things?? I desperately wanted to know what extra did the boy possess which i did nt to deserve neha. If its destiny then its fucking playing with me, its all a game for Him and His sadistic sense of humor. I really want to forget her and move ahead but all my confidence gets punctured when i see her. And i would be seeing her for the next three years. I need to move on...........

I left for home the next day after college. We had two long months of leave. After that we would come back a seniors. By the time i hope to overcome all my traumasssss!

DAY 21

The past fews days have been ok!!! nothing special! I did describe everything about her but i forgot to tell u her name, its Neha!! I have been avoiding her from the past few days not because there is any change in my feeling towards her. I did nt want myself to be potraited as a despo, which i m! U can call it attitude.

But what i heard today was heart breaking. A friend o mine told me that she was dating some guy! All the words were arrows poisoned at the tip with envy. They jut hit me hard and deep. I stood still hearing this but i felt as if an earth quake just hit and world around me is shaking. I did nt go for dinner that night, i excused myself on account of a head ache. I thought of it all night and that brought a whirlwind in my mind and that made me sick. Sitting on my bed , with the room absorbed in stark darkness, i was staring at the ceiling fan. I think i cried or can say a few droplets came fro my tear glands. I hate to accept that i cried. But i did!!!!!!

DAY 15

Wana leave that days disaster behind and start afresh and today is the best time to do so. My friend has invited her and her friends out for lunch and i mlucky enough to acompany him. I was madly in love with her. It was not lust. Thats bcoz i have never fantasized her. I had planned something for today. Thought of starting with friendship but feared that it would end up just in friendship. Anyways i kept all that aside and took off to the restaurant with my friend. They would join us from there. I was dressed in my favorite black shirt and blue jeans and i must confess the fact that i was looking good. We all reached the restaurant, it was a good place. Was thinking of bringing her next time around but just me and her alone. Can say a date!!!

I said hai to her. My heart was beating at triple its normal rate. It was the first time i was talking to her. The blood flow in my head had gone up and my ears turned red. I could not even look at her. I was staring at the wall when i was talking to her. She mite have presumed that i have a squint. We were having our food but i was admiring her in between each bite. She wore no make up but till her beauty touched the pinnacle of charm. Long silky lustrous hair, glistering teeth fabricating an impeccable laughter and radiant glow on her face that left me spellbound. My eyes were wide open learning every aspect of her when uddenly she looked at me. I was frozen as if someone has made me a statue. My panoptic eyes were glued to her for quite a while. We did not have much of a conversation but i still enjoyed the day. There is not much to talk about but i loved each and every moment i spent with her.

DAY 7

Its almost a week since i have seen her for the first time but i have nt done anything other than staring at her. Its easy to write a thouand words about her rather than speaking to her once. But i had to act fast. I just had two choices- to make a girlfriend in the first year or to celibate for the next four years which is a pretty long time. I did nt want to end up a despo!!!!!!!!

Today i saw her passing by the road with her friends, seemed like fachchis were getting aquinted to the campus. A friend of mine was walking towards them to have a chat with them. he is always good at these matters so i thought of accompanying him. This was a good oppurtunity of talking to her. There were five of them. They were all talking to him as if they knew each other for centuries. Where as i was standing in the background playing the role of a shrub and discrening weather god has gifted me with a tongue or not. I could not muster the courage to speak to them. I was staring at them with infinite blankness or should i say i was staing at her!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was busy admiring her when suddenly she looked at me and told that even i could join there talk. All of a sudden i became the centre of attention and all started laughing. She was nt funny but still i was embarrased. That was realy a good start. Just what i did nt want!!!!!!

DAY 1

As usual crippled with laziness , I dragged myself out of bed and with out caring to switch on the light i walked in the bathroom. that was instinctive for me. As always i was late for college, one needs some form of encouragement to go to that dumb place daily. Encouragement in my case was gals.........!!!!!!!!!! days were so boring. there were times when i thought that i would die a virgin in this dump place. In order to avoid it i had to fall in love, rest is there in my genes. I dragged myself in to the college bus and some how with extreme difficulty i reached college. Out of the bus and i saw a gal in white, she was hot!!! For the first time i thought that God heard my prayers. Stil dont remember the last time i went to a temple! I examined her for quite a while and this is what my analysis has resulted in- She had a spotless brown skin. It was smooth, shiny and SEXY. The nose though a little blunt , was cute. Her lips, without any lip gloss, glistened with lust. Her sharp curves together with young unconquered assets could easily compete with a temptress of a chick flick or an erotic female of ellora caves. On the outside she wore a salwar. I was blessed as i could guess her outlines better. In doing so i felt the torch of civilization revolt between my legs and i would bet that the same would happen to anyone who could imagine her from the description that i have given..........