As midnight marched through the worlds time zones, it was the start of a new year, ushering out the old and toasting the new. The same high spirited celebrations were going on at Kush's place too. We all greeted the new year with hugs and wishes. The first of which I received from Anisha. I still don't understand what it was. The hug just went on for ages. It might be just my belief or did we just hug for an usually long period. Whatever the moment was, it was interrupted by series of phone calls on both the sides from friends and relatives. When I was done with all my phone calls, I turned towards Anisha and I found her still busy with different calls she is getting. But the most shocking and unusual thing about all this is that we are holding hands when all this is going on. To be very clear, it is very difficult to dial numbers and find contacts from your phone book with one hand but I never noticed any such difficulties. I was still lost in the new year hug. After all our phone calls we went back to our usual conversation and some drinking game. We started this game in Kush's room as his parents were going to sleep by then. After a while we all thought to take a nap, by this time we all were totally drunk. I don't exactly remember when we decided to sleep but we did. We all just slept near his bed. Anisha was sleeping next to me and Kush and others followed after that on the lower side of the bed. It took me no time to sleep as alcohol was really helping the cause. The next i remember is that I was in my dreams. This is one of my rare dreams which I still remember and there are obvious reasons behind it. I felt a foggy picture of a women dressed in black lying next to me. We were sleeping quite close to each other. I was quick to identify that it was Anisha. After a while I was sleeping with my hands over her and we felt comfortable as it helped us to beat the cold. All those instances come to my mind as small fragments. It was really a weird dream as I it was never continuous. The complete scenario was broken down in to small fragments. The next and the last scene I remember was when we kissed. The moment was priceless and care free. I never thought once as to what I was doing and how could I do it. It was my dream and I am not answerable to anyone. Then the next fragment I hear noise from round Anisha and saw Anisha wake up, I open my eyes to find out that others have woken up and Kush was ready to drop Anisha and her friend back home. Kush had to drop them back as I still had a bad hangover from last night. I thought of going back to my place and started walking downstairs with them. Suddenly Anisha turned back and went back to the room. That was when I saw her face for the first time that morning. Her face suggested that she wanted me to follow her to the room as if she wanted to tell something to me. But I was too sleepy to respond to any such facial expressions. We waited for her downstairs for sometime and then left for our respective places once she was back. I was alone while driving back home, suddenly I saw a message on my phone. I was literally taken aback by the message. It stated that Anisha does n't want to talk to me from now on and not to contact her ever. I really could n't understand what was going on. Everything was going so well and suddenly such a message was hard to digest. I made my way back home as fast as I could and called her up. She refused to take my call at first but then made herself available at my request. Then she explained things to me that I could never have accepted if it was told by someone else. She made me realize that all the things I presumed to be a dream was no where near a dream and it actually took place last night. I felt disgusted and ashamed at the same time. I was literally speechless but gathered strength to convince her that I never did any of that in purpose. I convinced her to meet me in sometime so that I get an opportunity to prove my innocence.  I quickly took bath and made some lame excuses to my mother and left to see Anisha..............

I still even today think of what happened that night. The incident that changed both our lives for ever. In some ways it was good as it was a true test of our bonds and relations that we share with people around us. It was the time for them to stand by us. The incident helped us identify our true loved ones.

I always used to ridicule Bollywood movie scenes when we see such affairs on screen and we used to call the those actors by names which I am not supposed to take up here. But that incident made us both think and find out why it had happened. I had to come up with some justification to convince myself first before I could convince Anisha with this. Even Anisha had no clue as to how things went wrong in her simple and straight forward life. I understood a peculiar thing about our subconscious mind, which in my case was the culprit behind this situation. Our subconscious can't process negatives. It interprets everything we think as a positive thought. So if we think, 'I don't want to be poor,' our unconscious mind focuses on the "poor" and, because it doesn't do negatives, the thought becomes 'I want to be poor.' Being poor then becomes the goal in your subconscious mind and like a young child, desperate to please, it helps you behave in a way that will keep you poor. Obviously not what you wanted. The same thing happened in our case. Me on one side was always fond of Anisha. She was the type of person I always wanted to end up with but on knowing her relationship status I always told myself that I cannot love her and it is not morally right. I think my dumb brain on the other side processed it as " I can love her as it is morally right". Many would find this as a stupid reasoning to justify my doings but I have no intention of doing so. I know what happened was wrong but it was unintentional. But in Anisha's case a different situation plays an important role. There were various incidents in the few months before the new year that were pretty disturbing for Anisha. She was already struggling to keep up to the disappointments she was facing professionally and the one person she wanted there to be with her then was constantly indulging in fights with her. The only support she found was in her friend, that's me. All the incidents in which I ended up supporting her were collected and stored in her subconscious mind. Her Subconscious mind already had a picture of a person who should be her soul mate. That picture had a face in the form of her boy friend but most of the qualities of that picture were fulfilled by me and she expected the same in her boyfriend. This mix up of characters in your mind disturbs you like anything. This makes it difficult for us to understand and realize what exactly do we feel for that person. Was it affection or love? There is a lot of difference between the two which many fail to understand and result in misunderstanding their true loved ones. A person can get attracted towards two people at the same time. Or, subconsciously a person might think that if the person he or she is with right now is not there in the future, the other person can fill the gap. Here, the fear psychosis plays a major role. So in this case whose created the fear psychosis. There should be someone to be blamed in this case. Anisha cannot be blamed completely for the incident. Me along with her boyfriend has equal role to play in the incidents that lead to this situation. Her boyfriend never gave the trust or the feeling of security she was always asking for. She was not he type of person interested in casual relationship. She wanted her first love to be the last and everlasting one. But who knows her boyfriend had other plans or did he have any plans at all?? He himself used to emphasis on the fact that he had no clue of the future. This was the beginning of the fear psychosis that took up most of  her subconscious mind and she saw another person who was willing to fill in that spot. How can a girl be blamed for that, no girl can do that. Somewhere or the other every girl believes  the fact that I just explained. Security & time are the most important thing in a females life. That stands true for all social animals around us. 

This is tough on the part of an individual, how often do we find true love in the first place? And how frustrating is it when we find it but it comes at such an inopportune time, such as when we are in another relationship? Of course it's ideal if we can leave the current relationship for a shot at a new one, but it's not always that easy. Sometimes you can't leave, or other times we don't want to leave, in which case we try to balance both relationships. But can we really do this and keep everyone happy?

Another function of the unconscious mind is to present repressed memories for examination in order to release trapped emotions. So when our mind is filled with all this junk and thousands of unanswered questions, shit happens. But things get out of hand when the factor of morality plays its role.The subconscious mind will keep us on the straight and narrow path of whatever morality it has learned by enforcing its morality on us, even if society judges that morality wrong. A terrorist will kill and destroy without qualms because his moral code teaches him that he is a freedom fighter.But that does n't justify his actions. So if  your subconscious decides that you deserve to be punished then you will be wracked with guilt and exhibit behaviors designed to punish yourself, even though there are no laws to say that what your subconscious mind sees as bad is actually so. 

We all make personal, financial and business decisions, confident that we have properly weighed all the important factors and acted accordingly - and that we know how we came to those decisions. But since we know only our conscious influences, we have only partial information. As a result, our view of ourselves and our motivations, and of society, is like a jigsaw puzzle with most of the pieces missing. We fill in blanks and make guesses, but the truth about us is far more complex and subtle than that which can be understood as the straightforward calculation of conscious and rational minds. We perceive, we remember our experiences, we make judgments, we act  and in all of these endeavors we are influenced by factors that we aren't aware of. The truth is that our subconscious minds are active, purposeful, and independent. Hidden they may be, but their effects are anything but, for they play a critical role in shaping the way our conscious minds experience and respond to the world.

These intense researches were done so as to keep myself away from the so called path of guilt and make sure that Anisha does the same. It's always easy for a guy to escape from such incidents as our culture and society has been designed to do so. If such incidents take place, a guy's friends would praise him for being such a stud and the girl's friend would point fingers at her for being a slut. When we talk of equality, both the parties should be treated with the same respect. So I had to prove everyone that what happened was nowhere a slutty incident and want to protect Anisha from the blame game that is going to follow soon. A test of our morals and the friendship we share..........................